Efforts to really know our partner continue throughout our lifetime. People do not change, but they do mature in their tastes, preferences, attitudes and feelings. What keeps a relationship alive and interesting is our desire to know our partner completely, yet never really attaining that goal.
There is no such thing as "enough" when it comes to knowing our partner well. Our partner will continue to develop new facets to his personality as time progresses and he has new and different experiences. We can know our partner well, but never enough.
We only have to think back over the past and reflect on the changes that have occurred in our own lives. We are not quite the same now as we were in our twenties, thirties etc... We change, we grow. So does our partner. It takes constant, loving vigilance to keep the "knowing" of our partner current and pertinent.
Some things about our partner will never change. He will take his coffee a particular way, have a favorite chair, prefer to sleep on the right side of the bed. Less concrete things, however, will continually change; his thoughts about life, his attitudes toward others, his preferences about how he spends his free time.
Life experience, professional fulfillment, relationships with friends, extended family and coworkers all leave their imprint on our partner's psyche. Life is seldom stagnant and change begets change. Two individuals agree to make the life journey as partners for better or worse. We cannot predict the future so there will always be an unknown element to our relationship as we stretch and strive to meet the challenges life presents.
I have spent almost half a century getting to know my spouse, and even after all this time, he continually surprises me with new attitudes and preferences. He is basically the same person, however, over the years his tastes in music, food choices and activities have varied.
My spouse has become more sentimental and more spiritual with the passing of time. He has mellowed about many of his previously rigid beliefs. I don't think I will ever finish "knowing" him, because as long as we live, we will both continue to grow and change, as will the world in which we live.
The word "enough" suggests completion, finished, done. We never want to feel finished with getting to know our partner. We want to continue to communicate to the end of time, and in the process, continue to learn new things about each other to share, to please, to enjoy.
Communication is the main ingredient for a fulfilling relationship. Communication is also the way we continue to learn new and exciting things about our partner.
Life is lived out in phases. There is the "getting together" phase, the "creating and bringing up a family" phase, the "pursuing our interests" phase, and ultimately the retirement phase. Through it all, communication will keep us on the same page as we share our feelings about the moments and memories which make up our life together.
If we reach the point where we feel we know our partner enough, that could suggest we are taking our partner for granted. Taking for granted that we know how our partner thinks and feels can potentially cheat us of learning new and exciting things about him. We never want to stop being curious to know more about the partner we love and respect.
Getting to know our partner is a continual work in progress; an ongoing, pleasurable journey through life and we can never know "enough."
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